IN-PERSON IN TACOMA, WA | WA & FL ONLINE
Individual Therapy for Divorce & Separation
For when the relationship has ended, or might and you're still trying to figure out what actually happened.
The relationship ended. But your mind is still trying to figure it out.
INDIVIDUAL DIVORCE & SEPARATION THERAPY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO MAKE SENSE OF A RELATIONSHIP ENDING.
Maybe you ended the relationship. Maybe they did. Maybe you both knew it wasn't working anymore.
But you still think about them, and you wish you didn't. You miss them sometimes, and that can leave you confused or even angry. You question the decision, even though you've replayed what it was like to be in that relationship more times than you can count.
And you're so tired of going in circles.
Your mind seems obsessed with trying to figure it out.
You've read the books, talked to friends, replayed the conversations, asked ChatGPT, and analyzed the texts. You keep wondering what they were really thinking, what you weren't seeing, and what you could have done differently.
Underneath all of that are questions like:
Did I want too much?
Should I have toughed it out a little longer?
What if I end up in another relationship just like it?
Because if you can understand what actually happened in the relationship, you can solve it.
At least, that's what your mind keeps telling you.
I'm not going to tell you to stop analyzing
We can look at the relationship together: the patterns between you, what your partner was communicating or avoiding, how it started, evolved, and ended.
But there are limits to what you can know. You may never know exactly what was happening inside your former partner, no matter how carefully you reconstruct the relationship.
There is one inner world we can know much more deeply: yours.
Maybe when they pulled away, you tried harder. You read another book, started another conversation, explained yourself differently, and kept hoping that if you could just find the right way to reach them, something would change.
You weren't trying to nag them. You wanted to feel like the two of you were building a life together.
And eventually, something in you may have started to shut down too. You stayed later at work, filled your life with other things, or found yourself wanting to be anywhere but home.
What was happening inside you while all of that was going on?
That's where we can begin to understand not just what happened, but why this particular relationship affected you in the way it did.
MY APPROACH
Hi, I'm Tanya.
I tend to work especially well with people who are thoughtful, perceptive, and very good at figuring things out.
So I’m not going to ask you to stop analyzing, stop asking questions, or just “get out of your head.” I like understanding things too. If there’s something here to understand, I’m probably going to want to understand it with you.
But we’ll also notice when understanding is helping and when it’s become another way of trying to solve something that can’t be solved by thinking harder.
We can look honestly at what happened, including your part in it, without making everything you find another thing to fix. And we can get underneath the analysis to the grief, fear, anger, helplessness, and parts of you that are still working very hard to make things okay.
You don’t have to choose between understanding what happened and feeling what happened. We can use one to get to the other.
How We'll Work Together
STEP 1
Understand What Your Mind Is Still Trying to Work Out
We'll identify the questions you keep returning to and sort through what can actually be understood, what may never have a clear answer, and what your mind may be trying to resolve.
STEP 2
Understand What Happened Inside You
We'll look closely at your choices, reactions, needs, and patterns in the relationship. Not to decide who was right or wrong, but to understand what was happening for you and what you want to carry forward.
STEP 3
Know When You're Going in Circles
We'll notice when thinking is helping you understand something and when you're trying to think your way to an answer that isn't there.
The goal isn't to stop thinking. It's to get to a place where you can think about what happened without having to keep solving it.
What Changes
You can miss your ex without immediately wondering if you made the wrong decision.
You can regret things you said or did without spending so much time trying to figure out out how you could have changed the outcome.
And when you start wondering whether you were too much, you can remember that wanting love, closeness, communication, and partnership doesn't automatically mean you asked for too much.
You don't have to figure out exactly who was right and who was wrong to know that something wasn't working for you.
And when you find yourself in a relationship again, you can pay attention to what's happening instead of immediately assuming you need to try harder, explain it better, or become someone your partner can stay connected to.
You can listen to yourself, too.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
A Few Things You Might Be Wondering
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No. I only work with individuals.
This work is about understanding your experience.
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Of course you might.
You can still love someone and be angry with them. You can miss them and know that you don't want to go back. You can feel relieved about the ending and devastated by it at the same time.
You don't have to force those feelings to agree with each other before you can move forward.
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We can explore this too.
Maybe you pushed too hard, shut down, said something you regret, stayed longer than you wish you had, or left in a way you wish you had handled differently.
Understanding yourself with curiosity and compassion is important as we work through this. Not to excuse what you did, but to understand what was going on and what you want to do differently next time.
We all have things we can take responsibility for and work on. You don't have to beat yourself up to do that.